On the last day of my classes I give a little speech to my students about our term together and end with the quote: "Even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I am forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me" [note: this quote is from the film Chasing Amy, which I have - admittedly - not watched nor do I condone my students watching it... ]. This quote is kind of heavy for me every time I say it. Its truth is so sharp that sometimes I tear up when I recite it to my students. My teaching career has led me on an interesting journey where, at the end of May each year, I receive a layoff notice and then, sometime in the summer months (hopefully), I am given a new assignment. Budget/contract issues will likely make this trend continue until I have been teaching for something like 8 years. So far, I have never been placed back in September at the school I left in June. That means, at the end of each semester, I know I may really never see the faces or hear from my students again. The faces of the students who I - for the last school year - invested in, learned from, laughed with, dreamed about, cleaned up broken casserole dishes with, cried for, shopped for, planned for, read for, came in to school at 5:45 am for, worried about, cooked with, put out fires with (literally and figuratively)... you get the picture. Those burgeoning friendships, those awkward interactions, those laughs I worked so hard for, and those tears I helped get rid of... they are in the past. And so every year- after they assist me in scrubbing my foods room from top to bottom - I send these sweet souls off on the day they had been anticipating for months (school is out!). I awkwardly almost (usually) start crying in front of all of them and then I force them to shake my hand before they leave [disclaimer - I do not actually force them to shake my hand. They are welcome to 'leave me hanging'.] just so I can get that last look in their eyes and send them off with my attempt to communicate how lucky I feel to have met them and how thankful I am for what they've given me. The day I finished my practicum I slumped in my car and cried for 45 minutes. I cried for all the little faces I fell in love with (I did my practicum in a grade 3/4/5 class) but would never get to see grow up and for the futures I would never know about. I swore that this would be the last time I would cry when I left my "kids". I was very aware that the students I teach are not mine, that they owe me nothing, and that 99% of them will move on and never talk to me again. But, even though I swore I'd suck it up so it wouldn't be so hard, it really doesn't get any easier the more I do this. Every year I still look at their glorious faces, so full of all things people are full of, and they inspire me to be better. And so, for me, I'm always so sad that - finally - I'm really starting to get to know all my "kids"... and it's over. And I leave. And I never get to see them again and I cry (every year... I swear... someday I'll get a hold of myself). BUT... here is the thing. Like the quote says. I am forever changed by them. I wonder if my students understand how honest I am being when I say that. I am forever changed by each and every one of them. I am inspired and challenged and intrigued and my brain changes. My heart changes. My teaching practice changes. My outlook changes. They make little imprints on my soul. I have had the privilege of teaching something crazy like 2000 students in my short 5ish year career and - although I might not remember all of their names right off the top of my head - they are woven into my identity. Their imprint on and exit from my life is worth acknowledging and shedding a few tears for. After we have an awkward handshake, I watch them walk off into the hallways of whatever school I happen to be teaching at... hoping I made a positive impact on the way they look at their world and themselves, knowing that they are going to go off to do great things - some big, some small, all equally great. Their potential is bursting at the seams and, although I will likely never know what they do in their lives, I am just so excited for them and their lives ahead. Our kids/teens/young adults have a crazy, unpredictable future in front of them and they are slagged with all sorts of labels and criticisms. But these kids have potential. They have so much enthusiasm, joy, depth, curiosity, and fun that they bring to the world. I know. I get to experience it every day. They are our future and I feel so incredibly fortunate to have had the honour of getting to know/teaching/being taught by/being changed by each one of them. And if you are a former/current/future student: I miss you/am happy you are with me now/look forward to meeting you. Thank you for you. This world is so lucky to have you.
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Ms. EEnthusiastic everyday life education/home economics teacher. Archives
September 2015
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